Pain Has a Name – a poem

Who would have thought so much could wait,

Slumbering beneath the skin?; slow explosions glow,

Erupting along muscle ripples, the secret name

Unknown until the guest has settled, unwanted,

A home made like wasps honeycombing



It pulls from tendons stretched to itching point,

Nerve impulses blended in with blazing dumbness

To align all corridors of the mind, inveigling into

Cracks, crannies filled to bursting with the effluvia

Let loose, burning amok in patterns without




Benumbed – a poem

Numbly resides this finger upon my hand,

No tingles nor sparkles light up the nerves,

Dead inside and they wonder where lies

The feeling, the sensations, now numbly

Made snow.


I made the choice and sensory darkness

Rules this fingertip, the tingles spreading

Back from beyond a periphery of experience

Down the arm, into the hand, bright pain

Flares alive.


Eater of Pain – a poem

From five to zero, not intended, lest

Pains of sleep take over, fill the nerves

With horror and suffering, sold instead

Into duality wondrous and wild, aches

Subsumed by care and fuss, consumed.


Broken razors grow inside the hands

Like slow crawling nuclear fires let

Loose from harnessed stars a’glow

Like furnaces unleashed from time;

This darklight eaten without pause.


Feeding the Hunger – a poem

Hunger abated by this unexpected host

Though few may be able to tell such

For effects and outward appearance

Show little to demonstrate change.


Reduction and thought expansion leads

To the hunger slowing, drying, less

Than it once was, far less than dreams

Might have displayed, hoped for.


Contrary to prior beliefs not so

Terrible is the reduction, hunger

Slowed like epic glaciers trawling

The frozen oceans and a’shore crashing.


Running Out – a musing



Today I write of a strange vitality, the harsh wonder of experience. I am running out of painkillers, in a manner I had not anticipated, and while on a family holiday.

Having misjudged my situation I now have 7 Tramadol remaining. Aching from various mental stresses the day before yesterday (yes, mental stuff becomes physically manifest) I attempted buying Cocodamol here in Portugal…but left with strong Ibuprofen instead. Turns out you need a prescription for Coco.

Now I am down to rations.

I had thought I was doing well. No Cocodamol for months now, days off the herbal painkiller Kratom, as well as reduced doses. I brought none of it with me this holiday. I still do not think doing so was a mistake but I did badly miscalculate my needs.

To try and remedy it I had an extra Prozac yesterday. I know, I know, it has longer term effects, but based on how much of the holiday is left I thought the extra Serotonin would help my many pains.

Wish me luck.